| Whip me, Feed me, Tell me you Love me, and I will follow you to hell and back |
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[22 Mar 2005|03:59pm] |
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"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn..." -Jack Kerouac
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| name that tune... |
[21 Mar 2005|01:08am] |
I've never been one for the punch-ups
But look I really hate them nazis
A certain something starts to wind me up
How could I hate them of so violently
When two swords slashing at each other
Only sharpen one another
And in the long run even he's your brudda'
Said even though that kid's a nazi
Even though that kid's a nazi
Always attack those things in someone else,
Reflections that you can't face in yourself,
To make precious fascistic feeling gone
It makes you turn into a bigger one
Bigger...
When two swords slashing at each other
Only sharpen one another
And in the long run even he's your brudda'
Said even though that kid's a nazi
Even though that kid's a nazi
Are you fighting the Front,
or just fronting a fight
Sometimes it's hard to see the left from the right
Are we angry, are we looking for peace
Or just tryin' to win the war...
...by killing all the enemy off
Just to kill all the enemy off
Kill the enemy off
Kill the enemy off
I've never been one for the punch-ups
But look I really hate them nazis
A certain something starts to wind me up
How could I hate them of so violently
When two swords slashing at each other
Only sharpen one another
And in the long run even he's your brudda'
Even though that kid's a nazi
Even though that kid's a nazi
Said even though that kid's a nazi
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[21 Mar 2005|12:32am] |
I want to follow
to taste your voice
when were on the phone
all alone
in the room
in the car
on the table
I want to take you
you have a choice
a momentary lapse
a minute of time
a hour of reason
so deep inside
forgetting and begging
taken my toll
deep within we lose control
far from reason
far to far
just let go
and in the sessence
her soul devine
the last on my lips
the sweat of the brow
the last of infinity
the
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| DAMN! WOW! HOLY SHITE! |
[19 Mar 2005|03:50am] |
So today my financial luck seems to have continued to hold true as it has these last 2 months, leading us to seek venture capitol investment after only 10 weeks officially doing this company that I started as a project. Oddly profiting in the first week? and until a week ago with 0 overhead... leading me to wonder how for sooo many years I felt the need to work shit jobs for others. Not that I am rich or anything, or even getting there at the moment (reinvesting most of everything) but I see a future in it and though I have worked aproximately 100 hours a week this last week and it seems to be my average, leaving relatively nothing for personal life (ha) or sleep.. maybe not such a bad thing because the distraction is helping me keep straight and stay out of trouble.. you know what they say about IDle hands...
anyway, tonight I promptly decided against fantasm, opting out to as usual work... seemed like it just made sense.. then it started... I had already done allot of business today (sold several systems) and was really ready to retire for the evening. Then the request started coming in. As I type this I am installing windows subquencially on 5 systems that I built over the last 2 hours for one of the law offices I have lucked into supporting, and 1 additional "Gamer box" *Pentium 4 2.3ghz system in cute case* that one of the guys from craigslist emailed a request for, to pickuptomorrow (hes bought 3 so far)... then a frantic phone all from this really cool black dude who practically cleaned me out on spare pc parts Wed night.. freaking out because he needed certain items he did not have to fill an account for his boss, and all the stores were closed, hence a midnight visit from him accounting for an additional $400 in sells. After whichI come back to check my emailand find a message I missed earlier asking if we could build 15 systems and install onsite for a guys business whohad bought a computer off of me last week.. GOD I HAVE BEEN BUSY..
So this is my weekend.. maybe Ill have to treat myself to a nightout tomorrow night.. hell maybe Ill hit Future or somethign since i am sure almost everyone will be at fantasm and hopefully it will be a low-key engagement :)
ok thats my rambling account of my day.. go figure, for once I make a post whereim not whinign or bitching or closing an Lj but instead just babbling about an incredible day
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[25 Aug 2004|03:26pm] |
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..Virgin
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| is it possible.. (pointless rambling post, that makes no sense to anyone) |
[16 Jul 2004|12:48am] |
Is it possible for soemone to be kicked down/pushed aside/ blocked off and everythign of that nature, for so long that their feelings on the person who did so to them can change?
I know there was a time I was entirely in love with someone, deeply.. then when they became defensive towrad me, and would never let themselves fall for me, or admit to it.. or maybe they just never did because of their fears, I just walked away emotionally, I left a part of myself there, but I moved on.. though I dont know that I will ever be totaly free of the experience. I cannot see myself going back to that, but I think about it daily. I think as encouragement for myself to never be in that position again. I never wnat to adore someone, be adored by them, yet be by myself.. when I really want to be with them.
I know this sounds rediculous and makes no sense but its really hard to be in someones arms and still be all alone.. to know how you feel and yet to know it will never last. I spent a long time feeling like that. I think this is why I fear relationships now.. The worst moment is knowing that the next morning, no matter how good the night before you will go home to the life where she is not available to yu.. this is how my marriage was.. for the last few years.. this is how several relationships ended.. but only once did I find that I loved the person that much, and still was forced to accept not being their's.
maybe I just dont want a relationship.. maybe I do.. maybe its not the time.. who knows.. right nwo I am content as I am, because I have so much to do in my life right now. But it would be nice to even have that stability.. or maybe it wouldnt. I am rambling cause I am confused.. "though I am conflicted I live" - Josh Harnmorrow
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| My Day |
[09 Jul 2004|08:13pm] |
So I was asked to come in early today,, was interesting to say the least. Apparently the company I work for holds its US base in New Jersey and there si potential for some openings at that office. I do not even know that I will stay with this company, though I really need to, more-less even consider moving that far away from my children and friends. But in some ways it is a temptation, the idea of a new start with a great job in a new town.
I am really over allot of things here, and I am tired of being ignored or just strung along in some of my situations. I have my business here, and I have had some success in that lately. I barely see my kids, though I wish I did more often, but that does not seem like it will change anytime in the immediate future due to scheduling.
So thats where I am at, I can apply to go there at some point after training and some field time, so it is a future opportunity. Though it is not a guaranteed opportunity. Or I can stay here and see where things go locally.. I have another option to go to another company with better pay if I passed their interview, but I just came into the current job, and I am not sure how that will reflect on my resume. Life is so weird lately. For about 18 months I sat stagnant waiting for something to happen and not knowing how to move forward. One day things started to change and now I am faced with options and the confusion of not knowing where to go. I am seeing things I know I should change in my personal and professional life but I am afraid to let go of, and others I have no clue if I even want to let go of. Its funny how when you are at the bottom all you can think about is getting back up, then when you start to get back up all you can think about is how to keep from hitting bottom again. It is also strange how everything someone thinks they want really might not be what they want after all, and what they really want will always be just beyond their reach.
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| other journal |
[04 Jul 2004|07:21pm] |
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I have closed my Ramirez13 journal, most likely for good. I am leaving it up but all posting will be done through this one alone. I do not see a reason to bother with the other where tere are so many people I barely know or care to or trust listed on its readers list
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| This Journal |
[05 Jun 2004|02:03pm] |
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If you are reading this lj it is because I either
- Consider you a real friend who I can trust
- Care for your opinion
- I want you as part of my life
So here are the ground rules.
- This is invitation only, if you have not recieved a invite and feel you should be welcome ot veiw this lj, please drop me a email at Ramirez13@theunadored.com
- What is said in here stays in here
- Everyone has a opinion and I appreciate and respect that opinion even if it differs from yours. I do not want anyone's disagreement to become detrimental to my little sanctuary I have here, so please be nice when commenting to each other.
- Do not tell anyone else of this journal, though it is not a secret, I just have to many people who dont dont want to have prowling around trying to figure out what is said in here.
Thats all, Please comment when you feel you have something of value to the subject or even if you dont. Also, know that (as stated above) you are only here because I feel you are someone I want as a larger part of my life. If the feeling is not mutual please feel free to let me know, I am a big boy, I promise you I have been hurt worse than that is capable of hurting me.
IF YOU ARE HERE TO MAKE TROUBLE : </strong></a></strong></a></strong>![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) </a></a>techaholic , or anyone else that is assoiated with these two, or on </a></a>xenophile666 friends list you will not be on this one. PERIOD!!! If you know me you probably know why, if you dont know you can ask.
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[27 May 2004|09:25pm] |
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New Lj Design, Tell me what you think
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| There Is A Soul |
[26 May 2004|04:13am] |
There is a person who I have found in this world, who shares with me the path I have been on for as long as my memories allow me to comprehend. She si of great beauty beyond flesh and beyond thoughts alone. To me she si light and a reason to motivate my days. I do not wish to ever possess her, though i would not mind to be possessed by her if the moment and fates allowed.
She came into my life like a violent storm and has filled my days with a kindred feeling I have never felt before. I am not a man who needs much to be happy, as most of you know. More important to me than lovers and possessions is what I get from only friends. I have never been in the graces of someone who I both wanted so horribly, yet I was merely content to only know she lived and breathed.. I feel none of the things I have felt in the past of competition and stupid deviations, but instead only compassion and the need to bring happiness to someone, whether by my hand or that of another. Before now the only time I wished this was for the children I have had and the wife I will never have again.
I do not care if I ever have this person for my own, I do not care if I ever even were to hold her and look deep into her eyes. I just could never imagine now that I have found her spending more years of this life without her in some capacity, any capacity. And for that I am grateful
She is a Goddess, a Muse, and light of grace.
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| This Journal has served its purpose |
[09 May 2004|04:59pm] |
Well it is done, janet finally read it, and I now have that behind me, not to mention the fact that I also know which of my friends is no longer trustworthy.. which surprised me since I doubted it would be her to let Janet read it. So I am getting shit from her right now on Yahoo.. its amusing as hell.
So I guess I need to censor that person and find another use for this lj since I kind of like it :)
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[07 May 2004|09:08am] |
everyday I find myself happier to be away from the Herpes riddled cunt I use to date. I really had given her no thought (as that she isnt worth thought) until today when I was going through my AIM records and saw the last convo we had. I realized then that she is one of the few people in the world who can piss me off beyond all others.
SO question is (as asked to me before) "WHat The HEll was I Thinking??"
Sadly I cant answer this one.
I just want my 6 months back, I really do. I want all the damage that she caused and I caused by listening to her resolved (gradually getting there) and to get back on track.
Anyway, I am dating currently, nothing serious, nothing that will probably become serious, but instead just having fun with good friends and cuter girls. I have a residual hatred for her, but I also have to laugh at the fact I reduced myself to her level so many times. Oh well, you live you learn.
If anything it inspired me to improve myself 10 fold, I am in the best shape I've been in cause I have a focal point when I punch the heavy bag after working out (Janets picture taped to it) and I have the drive to actually accomplish everything she said I could not. Shes a moron, and is destined to failure.. I am glad of that.
Am I a bad person for feelign that way and taking comfort in her digrace?
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| a serious question |
[12 Apr 2004|04:33pm] |
If you were dating someone and you fond out they had lied to you about having a serious STD, then broke up right afterwards, despite whether you contracted it or not, what would you do about it?
Would you tell your mutual friends since she wouldn't tell them? That way they could be warned unlike you were, or would you let it go? Knowing she is promiscuous and will be with allot of them.
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